Minat

Dulu menulis sebab minat.
Walaupun tak reti sangat.
Dulu menulis sebab suka.
Walaupun tulis benda mengarut.

Benda bila kita buat datang dari hati,
Insyallah semua menjadi.
Cuma sekarang,
Minat itu masih ada.
Cuma dah kurang.
Tak kisah lah asalkan masih mencuba.

Dari berhenti terus.

Suicidal

I just couldnt stop myself from feeling like a total loser after everything. When I started this with you, there were some people who were very sceptical about us. I was devastated but i know that i would have to prove them wrong. I tried. But turns out there were right all along. I never thought that i would feel this miserable. I hate feeling like this. I thought i was alot stronger than this but turns out i'm not. I'm sorry :(

Please understand

Tears wont longer do. I'm at my very worst. These feelings are making me the most miserable human being ever. I have nowhere else to tell this to. No one to be my confidante nor my confidant. Crying is no longer the solution. The only thing on my mind now is pain. Inflicting pain to myself because somehow the physical pain is more bearable than the pain caused by the heart.

When your heart hurts, you wanna heal it but because you can't actually see the wound. There's nothing to be mend (literally). Therefore it's hard. It's hard to make the pain to go away. It's going to stay and you are not making my wound any better. Everyday, you add salt to it. Making it worst. It's as if you did it on purpose. Just to torment me. Maybe you enjoy seeing me hurt this way. Maybe you find pleasure seeing me in pain. Maybe. Just maybe.


I'm lost. I feel so distant.

I'm sorry.

Darah

Testing testing.

Dari dulu teringin nak menderma darah. Teringin but deep down, aku tahu mustahil. Hari ini pula ada kempen menderma darah di KBM. Gatal nak derma jadi isi je borang. Sangat semangat tengok orang beratur panjang menunggu giliran check darah. Pengalaman tu penting. Tengok orang derma darah depan mata. Even ada budak yang pengsan sebab tak makan sebelum menderma darah. (Yang ni menakutkan)

While waiting for my turn, I took some pictures.

Mula-mula 4 orang yang nak derma darah (termasuk aku) but in the end, Shikin sorang je yang lepas ketiga-tiga halangan (pemeriksaan). I was a bit sad but as I said earlier, it was expected. Aku sangat teringin nak derma tapi tak boleh sebab my blood count was low. Qilah tak lepas sebab demam and Ann pula sebab tak cukup makan and tak cukup tidur. >.< Masing-masing kecewa tapi nak wat macam mana kan. Takkan nak mengamuk kat doktor? -_-'Jadi kami salurkan kekecewaan dengan makan banyak-banyak di kafe. I didn't take alot of pictures due to the dissapointment. Hahaha.

Pemeriksaan pertama : Check darah

The brave ones

Sabar menunggu giliran

Sesiapa yang boleh derma dapat benda ni.

Muka gembira derma darah >.<

Serious sangat cemburu dengan mereka yang boleh derma. Kerana bagi aku, derma darah is a good thing. Boleh tolong orang yang memerlukan. Unfortunately, not everyone wants/has the courage to donate blood. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya masih ada yang mahu. Kudos to those yang menderma darah. :D

Life as it is

via Tumblr

April has only begun but already there's so much things going on. So much decisions to be made. Sacrifices that have to be done.

University life is finally taking its toll on me. With responsibilities and so much things to do, I get wear out. The thing about me is that I think too much at times. More when I get stressed out and when this happened, I find it difficult for me to focus in class. How am I supposed to get Dean's List with this attitude?

Another thing I wanna talk is about unfairness. Do you know that feeling when you know your teacher is not being fair to you? When she gives people she likes high marks. Some people might say I'm overreacting, but after 3 assignments and 1 quiz, turns out my first impression on her wasn't that wrong after all. I'm not happy but I realized how life is unfair. I know I shouldnt be making a big deal out of it but I feel so discourage. When your friend with the same answer as you gets higher marks and you are left with just below average marks, it just discourages me even more when I know I have put effort in doing my job. Yes, I know this is a way of Allah to test me but it doesn't mean I should just keep quiet about it. I pray that Allah gives me strength to accept this and just do my very best. InsyAllah.

I just feel the need to write this down because I believe by writing something down, I can let that thing out of my system. Its hard keeping everything bottled up inside.

Sometimes I wish I was 7 again. ♥